When I was 21 my girlfriend broke up with me. It was one of the most difficult and awkward periods of my life.
At the time, it felt like my life was over. Everything was crashing down and I couldn’t see a way out of the despair.
It took me months before I could muster the mental maturity to move on and accept what had happened.
Fast forward few more years to Vancouver at the start of my first solo overseas trip. I was fending for myself and trying to get a job. Two weeks into the journey and the hostel was kicking me out with their 2-week limit.
On the same day, the shared housing accommodation that I thought was a sure thing, canceled on me. I was basically homeless and unemployed with no idea what to do.
After a 4 hour freak-out, the pit of despair was not an option for me. I moved up north, reconnected with a friend, found a job, a place to live and set what would be a home base for the rest of my trip.
What was different in my mindset regarding these two scenarios?
What makes some problems tough to overcome, while others just brush us by?
This is what I’d like to share with you, and it will give you some guidance on how to grab that rope and pull yourself out of a difficult situation.
Think of a current or past problem that just seems unsolvable.
There are 3 perspectives that make your problems seem so big, and they often create a barrier between you and the solutions.
So here they are:
1) Pervasive
Because you have this problem, you think it affects every component of your life. If you are struggling to get your business off the ground and struggling financially, it’s easy to feel like that may overflow into poor health and relationship problems.
However, this always an illusion.
In fact, going through tough challenges is often what pulls people together.
When you are really battling with a challenge, your Facebook friends go away. However, those who truly love you will show their true colours, and with the right mindset, you can grow closer to these people.
2) Permanent
The next perspective is that you think your problem is permanent. You have a business problem with selling and you think ‘Oh man, I will always be bad at selling!’
Let me tell you, NO problem is permanent. Firstly, the only thing that makes it a problem is how you think about it.
If you are in traffic, is that a problem? If your car then breaks down, is that a problem? It then catches on fire, is that a problem? You get a call from the Doctor explaining that you have cancer. What happened to the traffic problem? The traffic is still the same, but your perspective shifts. If a problem can change with your shift of a thought, it’s never permanent.
Even if you are going through hell right now, recognising that we all go through seasons of life is a great philosophy. We all have times when we need to grind it out in the winter, but it will always be followed by spring.
3) Personal
This is the one that can hit people the hardest. ‘Because I have this problem, there’s something wrong with me!’ ‘Because I have no clients, it means I’m worthless and I’m not good enough.’
This sucks the self-esteem out of even the most confident entrepreneurs. When you start making problems personal, it creates the downward spiral that much quicker.
However, when you think about what most business owners call problems, it started with action driven by unbelievable courage.
The simple fact you are taking steps to build a business means you have the courage, determination, and persistence to get outside your comfort zone. You do this knowing that many failures along the way are inevitable. Don’t tell me you are not good enough to put out the fire when you had the courage to run into the burning building.
I tell you how to avoid problems for as long as you can, stay in bed!
Back to my story.
I can clearly see how the break up with my girlfriend violated all 3 of these perspectives. I thought it messed up my whole life, I thought I would never have another girlfriend and I thought it was due to my own inability to sustain a loving relationship.
It may feel like life sucks when we have to face deep challenges, however, they are the very thing that give your life meaning.
Think of a world where everything went your way. You could eat whatever you want and not get fat, you could win every poker hand, and you could land any client you talk to. Your life would be great for a while, it may even be fun, but it would lack depth, meaning, and fulfilment.
Recognising this truth is the best philosophy I have come across for finding solutions to your problems, and that’s finding how it is helping you grow so you have more to contribute.
If you can find that insight, your emotional resourcefulness will come flooding back, and you can start to see yourself on the other side.
If you haven’t already, feel free to jump in my free 5 part email series.
Inside I’ll walk you through the steps for building the correct psychology to sell your services online as a consultant. If you don’t like your current results the answer will be in your thinking.
Click below to jump right in!