As soon as I started studying to be a coach, one skill I had to develop was the art of self-coaching.
Now let me be clear, there are very strong benefits to being coached by someone else. This is because even the best of us have mental blind spots that we can’t see in ourselves.
I remember identifying some thought patterns that were leading to my poor business results. Thoughts of ‘needing a client’ or ‘not having enough clients’ would never have been
We often need outside perspective because it’s very hard to see resourceful solutions while you are IN the problem.
The analogy I like to use is the one of a basketball coach. You can have the best players in the world, yet even the best need a coach to observe and give an expert opinion because they are not IN the game.
However, there’s one tool you can call upon when in the middle of a challenge. This tool may bring about different resourceful solutions, a shift in mental states and access to different perspectives.
That is the art of skillful questions.
Asking better quality questions can be hard to remember as an option in a time of stress, overwhelm or frustration. However, if you can remind yourself of this option, here are a couple steps you can follow.
Step 1) Your current question
It’s important to first identify the current question that’s being asked and whether it’s leading to the emotions that are resourceful enough to solve the challenge.
We are always asking certain questions that channel our focus. Examples can be:
– Why isn’t this working?
– Why can’t I do this?
– What’s wrong here?
If you have difficulties uncovering your current questions, Tony Robbins explains that we are always unconsciously asking ourselves 3 questions about any circumstance or situation. I call these the go-to questions.
Step 2) Answer your Go-To questions
1) What am I focused on?
Are you focused on the opportunity, or what’s gone wrong? Are you focused on the lack of clients or focused on how many different prospects you can reach? Is your focus on who you were, or who you are becoming?
The power of all questions lies in their ability to direct your focus. If you can identify this, you will have an elevated self-awareness.
2) What does this mean?
We are always drawing meanings out of what we see in our external world. When a client says
3) What am I going to do?
Take a clear look at your actions and you can quickly identify the types of questions you are asking yourself. What results are you getting? How consistent are your efforts to reach more people, attract quality leads and gain paying clients?
Explore these areas of your mentality and you can see why you feel and behave the way you do.
Step 3) Your primary question
What can be more important than
It’s uncovering the primary question you ask yourself day in day out for years on end!
We all have a primary question that we ask ourselves unconsciously and it determines the entire direction of our life. Some examples may be:
‘Why aren’t I ever good enough?’
‘How do I succeed?’
‘How do I win?’
‘Why aren’t I loved?’
‘What can make me happy?’
My primary question was ‘what do I do next?’
This explains why I have always been quick to move past a failure and I’m very rarely stuck. What this question doesn’t address is the quality as to which my actions will be taken.
What’s your primary question??
The beauty of all this I that if you identify your daily and primary questions, you can practice new empowering questions to take their place!
I shifted my primary question to ‘What would my inner hero do next?’
Have a think about what goals you want to achieve in your business and in life. What question do you need to ask yourself that will help you get there?
Step 4) Find your empowering questions
Some things to consider when you are brainstorming ideas.
1) It needs to bring up empowering emotions.
2) It needs to fuel action
3) It needs to benefit other people and yourself
4) It needs to resonate with your core values.
This can be an essential skill to the development of your business. Your questions channel your focus, instruct your emotions and determine the quality actions you take towards your business goals. Practice this skill and you will be on your way to self-mastery.
Thanks for reading!
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